tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7302245627574027504.post4706100547615693434..comments2019-05-15T23:59:20.159-07:00Comments on Feminist Legal Theory: Playing PretendLisa R. Pruitthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16469550950363542801noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7302245627574027504.post-32732881462094343622011-09-25T20:45:48.610-07:002011-09-25T20:45:48.610-07:00I really liked your title, "playing pretend&q...I really liked your title, "playing pretend" because it made me wonder—why did we play pretend as kids, and are those reasons the same today. So, I looked it up and apparently, pretend play is very common for pre-school aged children and is incredibly important in cognitive development and gender identification. For children, it is a way to try out different identities and to create a world outside of “real life.” For adults, however, it is not the imaginative game it once was. Instead, it is an acknowledgment that we are creatures of tradition and habit. We don’t play pretend to experience the lives of beings different from ourselves. It is not an exercise of creativity. Rather, as you suggest, it is a game of conformity. And I play it too. <br /><br />Unlike heterosexual couples, however, my fiancée (we discussed this over dinner) will sometimes do or say something “feminine” in order to disprove a generalization—that all lesbians are butch. For instance, I will sometimes catch myself commenting on someone’s shoes in a check-out line—something along the lines of, “Cute shoes! Where’d you get those?!” I really don’t care about her shoes. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever bought a pair of shoes unless I had to. <br /><br />It’s not that butch equals bad. Rather, we are afraid of being stereotyped immediately just because we are in a same sex relationship. I am not the most feminine of people, but I do not want my femininity stripped from my identity simply because I am lesbian. So, I overcompensate.Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15405719221794933465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7302245627574027504.post-1264827101679315952011-09-13T11:15:07.193-07:002011-09-13T11:15:07.193-07:00I agree with other commentators; I like the notion...I agree with other commentators; I like the notion of "playing pretend." In a utopian world, where gender roles were not rigid/assigned but fluid/willingly adopted, an individual could playfully assume any role that he or she desired. <br /><br />In many relationships, "playing" publicly is inextricable from "playing" privately. Perhaps one partner picks up the tab -- but also, that night, is more giving in bed. Or maybe one partner paints another's toes. Who's in charge? It is this sort of dynamic, constant interplay that makes relationships exciting, interesting and fun. <br /><br />Gender equality exists when both parties feel self-actualized, appreciated, and happy. There's not anything wrong with dominant and submissive or active and passive roles, per se, as long as they are not reflective of underlying expectations, but are instead playful.Rose Sawyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03312561091132429675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7302245627574027504.post-16505734358258155302011-09-12T17:25:55.148-07:002011-09-12T17:25:55.148-07:00Very interesting and thought-provoking post AMS. S...Very interesting and thought-provoking post AMS. Since reading this post, I've spent some time considering the questions you've raised here. Unfortunately, I've been unable, like some of the other posters here, to come to a definitive conclusion with regards to this issue. <br /><br />If "playing pretend" is simply, as another poster here suggested, a healthy exercise in femininity and masculinity played out in private, then there shouldn't really be any problem here. Such playing would merely be a way for couples to express love and intimacy with one another. In my opinion, this seems to be the correct view of what you've described in your post, though, in time, views on this topic may gradually shift to reflect the widespread changes occuring in male-female roles in our society.Alejandrohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06894823831799931755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7302245627574027504.post-43070076678808079732011-09-09T00:45:53.360-07:002011-09-09T00:45:53.360-07:00I think that this blog touches on gender dynamics ...I think that this blog touches on gender dynamics that are often not spoken of openly. More importantly, I think it also brings up another pertinent topic of "playing pretend." When a woman, a self-declared feminist, allows for her husband or significant other to "foot the bill," how much of her independence is she ceding to her other half?<br /><br />I am very ambivalent about this issue myself. Sometimes, when I meet women who espouse feminist ideology while living lives subsidized by a working spouse, I find myself frustrated. I don't mean to turn this into a class issue, but "S" said, having your cake and eating it too seems a bit problematic. For lack of a more articulate phrase, it may not be fair to "turn" independence "on and off." Although I do it all of the time, it doesn't seem to right to pronounce my views on financial independence and women's rights one day, and that night retreat back into the arms of my boyfriend who will pay for my dinner and buy me wine. How do I fit these two seemingly inconsistent traits together? I"m not exactly sure. A part of me thinks that as long as I hold onto my ideals on feminism and feminism, that's better than nothing. On the other hand, the other parts of my life that are characterized by a traditional heterosexual relationship seem to "counteract" the other side...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7302245627574027504.post-83916889654319243672011-09-08T18:05:37.895-07:002011-09-08T18:05:37.895-07:00GREAT post! Very honest and I think many men and ...GREAT post! Very honest and I think many men and women can relate to the "playing pretend" situation. In my dream world chivalry is not dead, and men are comfortable enough with women's success that there is no need to force the "breadwinner"/dependent roles.<br /><br />I also think I should say that this dynamic is also prevalent in same-sex relationships (at least all of mine!). Subtle roles seem to develop that neither party really wants to acknowledge or confront. There are tendencies to adopt or mimic the traditional hetero roles, no matter how progressive the couple. I haven't found a solution, but I will say that these roles are difficult to combat and often challenge my ideas feminist/masculinity/femininity balance.AMAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11836813501033181302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7302245627574027504.post-65677561666007740422011-09-07T19:55:23.733-07:002011-09-07T19:55:23.733-07:00I echo tomindavis's compliments AMS. I, too, ...I echo tomindavis's compliments AMS. I, too, play pretend. However, when I play pretend, I cannot help but feel a bit guilty. I begin to wonder: Is this me having my cake and eating it too? Am I seeking to be a feminist (the delicious cake of liberation) while simultaneously preserving the traditional Latina/o notions of traditional gender roles? When I begin working this contradiction out in my head, I realize that I do not have a firm grasp and understanding of what a feminist relationship looks like.<br />I cannot help but wonder how eschewing traditional gender roles in favor of liberated and equal significant others would translate in a relationship?Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05881258570100211982noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7302245627574027504.post-34286721110132540682011-09-06T23:48:04.781-07:002011-09-06T23:48:04.781-07:00I really enjoyed this blog, AMS. Your personal sto...I really enjoyed this blog, AMS. Your personal story was fresh and candid, and resonated for all of us who realize that modern relationships, while often free from error in the abstract, can create quirky realities in practice. <br /><br />Your reflections on your different needs, and of your different personas as a woman, were very honest. They also are very common, I bet. Also, I appreciated your insights into men, and their sense of role in a feminist world, even as the constraints (see: Joan Williams) continue to expect and force them to retain masculinized roles as the "breadwinner." <br />Perhaps the playing pretend is not altogether a bad thing. If used by all as you say you use it, then it is an exercise in sexual intimacy and gender roles, played out not in public, yes, but controlled by the two of you in a private way. It would allow healthy exercises of femininity and masculinity, such as making the cookies, or picking up the tab. It would indeed be "playing," and as long as it is couched that way, it might not be all that bad.tomindavishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05629980736351969410noreply@blogger.com