The TV goes to a commercial for air freshener. A woman is spraying air freshener so her family will be happy. Then to a commercial for a very thin panty liners so a woman can wear a dress and dance and meet the man she will later air freshener for.
Clean and bleed. Bleed and clean. - Gone Girl, Gillian FlynnNow don't get me wrong, I think there are a plethora of other ways in which commercials are degrading to women, and men for that matter. Sex continues to sell, and overt sexualization and objectification of women in commercials affects the way women feel about themselves and the way men feel about women.
The effects of women portrayed as responsible for housework is more subtle and therefore harder to criticize. hit the nail on the head, stating "the commercials from the 50′s are no different from the commercials aired today — in the present — during the day, reminding women and their children where women belong: in the home, baking, cleaning, mopping, baking and cooking, diapering, mommying, and looking sexy and good while we’re at it." In a recent commercial, Clorox reminds us that even though the times have changed, Clorox and gendered housekeeping has remained constant.
Is there laundry to be done? The mom's got it covered! The house doesn't smell good? Don't worry, a woman has bought the most recent glade candle to make sure the house smells like autumn. Mom, are you too busy after a long day of work to make dinner? Don't worry, hamburger helper will help her make the meal. One particular Bounty commercial never fails to make me fume with rage. The father and son literally stand around gaping at the spill while the mother rushes to clean up their mess.
Every time I watch television, I hope something will change. I will with my mind that the husband in the commercial will pick up a paper towel or cook his family a meal. The pattern remains consistent; it does not matter whether the woman is single, has a family, or even a full time career. At first my husband would laugh at how upset I would get, but even he is now acutely aware that these commercials are unwavering in their opinion that women do (and should do) all the housework.
Despite our best attempts, these repeated motives define femininity. They define what women are compelled to do both by our partners and ourselves. By denying the ultimate gendered stereotypes these types of visuals create, it naturally transforms them into matters of personal preference. In the 1991 Yale Law Review, Deborah Rhodes states,
Women continue to assume about 70% of the domestic responsibilities in an average household and employed wives spend twice as much time on family obligations as employed men. Yet many husbands find ways to deny or rationalize their lighter burden. A recent in-depth survey of dual career families by Arlie Hochschild with Ann Machung illustrates a range of strategies. One is to revise reality in such a way that women's extra tasks appear matters of personal choice, not joint responsibility. Rather than accept an equal division of cleaning, cooking, or childcare obligations, some men redefine their share as unnecessary; they don't mind unmade beds or frozen pizza, and their infants will do just fine with extra time among their "friends" at daycare. The result for many women is that "I do my half, I do half of [my husband's] half, and the rest doesn't get done.More than two decades later, I think Rhodes' statement still rings true. Women are still plagued with "the second shift," doing 80 percent of household management. I do not think men do this on purpose (well, I hope they don't), and I admit this continues to persist because woman are equally complicit. We have been so brainwashed that we believe that it is indeed our preference.
Worse, we believe we do the chores "better," and therefore if we want to get things done right, we have to do it ourselves. For the "intellectual elite," we have embraced the notion of being the ultimate goddess, successful in our careers while being Martha Stewart in our little spare time. In her holiday survival guide, Joan Williams' points out,
there's been a speed-up in American family life in the past 20 years, a sense that no Halloween is complete without a homemade costume, and that no Hannukah is complete without homemade applesauce. If I were a conspiracy theorist I might point out that the sharp increase in household standards came at precisely the same time that married women joined the workforce in large numbers, ensuring that women would run themselves ragged staying up til 2 a.m. making Christmas cookies -- and still feel they weren't meeting their own standards either at home or at work.This new perfecting of womanhood is not limited to mothers or even wives. We run ourselves ragged, never feel we are good enough at anything, and slowly (or quickly) start resenting the men in our lives. They sit back, tell us we wear the pants in the family, and we think we hold all the power (when all we hold is a spatula and a sponge). Things need to change. It begins with men valuing household management as valuable work. Once valued, it should be something that is shared, and in order to be shared, women must be able to relinquish control of the home domain. The icing on the cake would be if ad campaigns refrained from relying on promoting stereotypes to sell products. I dare you Clorox. Show a man cleaning the toilet. Trust me, both genders like a clean commode.
8 comments:
“Rather than accept an equal division of cleaning, cooking, or childcare obligations, some men redefine their share as unnecessary; they don't mind unmade beds or frozen pizza, and their infants will do just fine with extra time among their ‘friends’ at daycare.”
I have problems with this statement. It seems to assume that household chores are – as a matter of objective fact – as important as the stereotypical woman thinks they are, and that the stereotypical man is simply “redefining” this objective fact. To use myself as an example, I sincerely do not care about household chores. Unless it is causing a health risk, a clean apartment does nothing to increase my well-being. So I don’t do it. I spend the time I would have spent cleaning, doing things that do in fact increase my well-being.
But I also live alone. The problem arises when cohabitants fail to recognize the inherent subjectivity of their valuation of household chores. The problem with the stereotypical man in the above quote is that he is failing to take into account his partner’s sincere belief that household chores are important. He is failing to take into account that what contributes to each person’s well-being is unique to that person.
However, the stereotypical woman may be equally at fault by failing to recognize that unmade beds do not – as a matter of objective fact – contribute to her well-being, and that she is just doing it because of social pressures to be an ideal homemaker. I think this is what you are trying to get at by mentioning that women might have been “brainwashed.”
“It begins with men valuing household management as valuable work.”
I have the same problems with this statement as I do with the above statement, but I would like to make a different observation. Barbara Ehrenreich and Arlie Russell Hochschild edited a wonderful book called “Global Woman: Nannies, Maids, and Sex Workers in the New Economy.” In the section entitled “Maid to Order,” Ehrenreich argues that the “chore wars” of the 1970s and 1980s were not resolved by men helping out, but by couples hiring maids – mostly third-world women. This did not resolve the inequality, but simply outsourced it. So I agree with you that men helping out is the solution.
To a large degree I completely agree with you. I think the issue is at the root a result from two people who have different opinions about what is important and the standard of living they are comfortable with when it comes to a shared habitation. You really opened my eyes when you illuminated my constant plight of truly understanding what (if ANY) of my preferences is truly MY preference and what has been slowly programmed into me so subtly that I believe it is natural. That is a much more difficult question that is rooted in psychology and a truly complex discussion about the structure of our society and subtle doctrinal (gendered) programming. Pushing this latter point aside (to perhaps a long manifesto that you and I can write one day), how then can you describe this game of chicken many women face at home when it comes to housework, where we wait to see how long it will take before dishes get washed or see how long it will take for a clearly dirty toilet to be cleaned. Women often cave or become the "nag" that we all feared we would become. Why do you think so many men aren't willing to value their partners subjective preferences? And further, what of these subjective preferences become "objective" when you have a child (or two or three)?
Wow- those commercials are laughable!
I agree that women often feel an unequal pressure to do housework as compared with their male counterparts. Further, as I mentioned in class yesterday, the division of labor, at least in my own life, seems to be gender based (i.e. I "Swiffer" the kitchen and make the salad while my boyfriend takes out the trash and grills the meat).
I also agree that both sexes like a "clean commode." To me, it seems that preferences for a clean house might be individual, rather than simply gender based (as Sam suggests). For example, Sam says he doesn't think a clean apartment contributes to his well being, but I think my boyfriend would disagree. When its time to clean he often agrees that "it's wretched in here" and tackles one half of our place while I tackle the other.
I also agree that much of this issue has to do with different standards of "clean." The commercials assume women have the know-how and preference for their house to be very clean. I think this varies by individual, perhaps with societal pressures tipping the scales toward women.
In my own house, I definitely have a higher standard of cleanliness than my husband. He likes things to be clean and appreciates it when they are. Whenever it's his turn to clean the kitchen or bathrooms, however, he doesn't clean it as thoroughly as I would (why clean the entire bathroom but skip the toilet?). I attribute this to his growing up in a household with very traditional gender roles where he was never taught or expected to clean.
Regardless of the reality, this doesn't stop the advertisements from perpetuating a stereotype that it is all about gender. It has always bothered me that the women are portrayed as cleaning up after their seemingly incompetent husbands. I believe this is insulting to both women and men who are much more dynamic human beings. In addition, I think it overlooks the diversity of households. What about same-sex households, particular those with two males? Recently, it seems as though JC Penney is the only brand that has attempted to reach this audience through their advertising.
“how then can you describe this game of chicken many women face at home when it comes to housework, where we wait to see how long it will take before dishes get washed or see how long it will take for a clearly dirty toilet to be cleaned.”
I want to distinguish between two different situations. In situation 1, both people subjectively believe that the toilet should be cleaned, but neither wants to do it. In this situation, the social pressures women face will probably tip the scales in their “favor,” and they will end up cleaning it. In situation 2, only one person subjectively believes the toilet should be cleaned, and this person is waiting for the other party to have the same belief – which may or may not happen.
In situation 1, if the woman consistently does the cleaning, the man is just being an asshole. He knows it should be done, but lets the woman do it. There is no good reason other than pure selfishness for this behavior. Based on your description of the toilet being “clearly dirty,” I suspect this is the situation you’re describing.
Situation 2, however, is more complicated. I would say this is just a failure of communication. If the woman – upon reflection – sincerely believes that cleaning the toilet at a certain level of dirtiness is important, then I think the man should respect this belief and do half the work. Otherwise, he is disregarding his partner’s well-being. However, I think it is important to recognize that – and I can’t stress this enough – there is no such thing as a “clearly dirty” toilet. Cleanliness is subjective and neither person’s assessment is “right.” Negotiation needs to start with this.
“Why do you think so many men aren't willing to value their partner’s subjective preferences?”
To be fair, I think both genders fail to recognize the subjectivity of most (I would argue all) value judgments. This leads people to think they are “right” and that the other person’s preferences are “wrong” or “unreasonable.” I would argue that male privilege exacerbates the problem, leading men to feel either that their preferences are “right” or that their preferences should take precedence.
“And further, what of these subjective preferences become "objective" when you have a child (or two or three)?”
Neither of them. There is no objectivity. Both people need to discuss how their preferences contribute to their well-being and the well-being of their children, and then decide how to maximize the collective well-being. However, this is – obviously – far easier said than done.
I agree with Sam's comment that there is no objectivity, and it comes down to communication: "people need to discuss how their preferences contribute to their well-being and the well-being of their children, and then decide how to maximize the collective well-being." Sam admits that this is easier said than done. I have had mixed success with these types of conversations. In reflection, I think the success is inversely related to how angry I am when I start the conversation. I have been thinking a lot lately of why these conversations are so hard, and why do they sometimes not work?
I don't know if you have heard the Cal Fresh commercials on the radio recently (new name for Food Stamps), but a dad and his daughter are making dinner, rather than the mom. The girl calls her mom down to tell her dinner is ready, rather than the father. I found it absurd that I found it absurd that the dad was making dinner instead of the mom. Even in this day and age I found this unorthodox.
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