In the words of the inimitable Roxane Gay, I, too, am a bad feminist. The best part of my month is receiving my Ipsy “glam bag.”[1] I never hesitate to ask a man to carry heavy things. If a guy on a dating app doesn’t text me first, we will likely never speak. But, chief amongst my sins, is the religiosity with which I have followed “The Bachelor” franchise since my senior year of college.[2] And I mean the whole franchise. “The Bachelorette,” “Bachelor in Paradise” - if Chris Harrison is forcing boringly good-looking people to hand out roses, I am there with dip and the few friends I have roped into watching with me this time around.[3]
An ABC fixture since 2002, “The Bachelor” is based on one (straight, white) man’s “journey” to find “true love.” In order to do this, the show finds him 20-30 ladies who are objectively attractive - that is, the majority of them are pretty, thin, again white, and blonde. Each week that year’s Bachelor – lately a fan favorite from the previous year’s “The Bachelorette” – thins his herd of women through the notorious “Rose Ceremony,” in which he asks each lady if they will accept a rose, and thus continue in the competition for another week. Before the ceremony, the Bachelor goes on “dates” with the women. Sometimes, that date is one of the coveted “one-on-one” dates, which is exactly what is sounds like with the addition of a dramatic date activity (like bungee-jumping), a fake dinner, and several camera-people. More often, it is a group date, which ends up being mostly the same, but with a higher chance of drama due to infighting among the contestants. When it gets down to four contestants, the dates get more intimate with hometown visits with the ladies’ families, and, of course, the overnight dates. The finale is supposed to consist of the Bachelor proposing to one of the last two contestants, and thus dumping the other. Fun!
“The Bachelor” and its progeny have consistently been the subjects of criticism and mockery, and why shouldn’t they? The show is excruciatingly heteronormative, with its insistence that a man always proposes to a woman (even on The Bachelorette!) during the finale. With the rise of Instagram stardom as a potential, lucrative post-show career, not being there “for the right reasons” is hardly even scandalous anymore. There has never been a black Bachelor. But, just how bad of a feminist does loving this seemingly anti-feminist show make me?
In defense of the franchise itself, it has been inching towards self-awareness on some of its issues. This season features Colton Underwood as the Bachelor, and, as the show will not let you forget, he is a virgin. Colton is otherwise attractive and nice enough, if a little boring. Facially, the fact that he is a virgin at 26 is surprising. This overemphasis on his virginity has likely led to some interesting discussions and even simple thought exercises about societal expectations of sex and when we expect one to have it. Colton, of course, is not the only member of the “Bachelor Family” who is/was a virgin on the show. Nearly every season, there seems to be one, and nearly every season it is a big deal, something to be confessed as a possible roadblock, or even deal breaker, for the relationship. Sex is the norm on this show - we expect The Bachelor or Bachelorette to sleep with the people who make it to the “fantasy suites." We applaud it, even. This feels at odds with middle America’s – you know; the people we would expect to love "The Bachelor” - sometimes Puritanical view of pre-marital sex. I am of course referencing conservative pushes to challenge Roe vs. Wade, decisions like Hobby Lobby that allow employers to refuse to include birth control coverage in healthcare plans, and the general reluctance to expand access to birth control and comprehensive sex education.
Still, while the show can be read as somewhat sex positive, it also reinforces stereotypes and double standards with respect to societal expectations of men and the amount of sex they should have had by that age. A few seasons ago, on Kaitlyn Bristowe’s season of The Bachelorette, Kaitlyn was slut-shamed for having sex with one of the contestants before the fantasy suite episode. She ended up telling some of the other men about her tryst, most likely at the behest of a producers trying to ensure as much drama as possible. This lies in stark contrast with the teasing Colton is subject to for being a virgin. This is a clear double standard, and many fans and columnists have not forgotten Kaitlyn’s treatment. Maybe, hopefully, this is a sign that the show is making some progress on its views about sex. More likely, it is because producers are hungry for a story.
Colton’s virginity may have been the catalyst for one of the most genuine conversations on the show. Last week, contestant Caelynn Miller-Keyes opened up to Colton about being sexually assaulted in college. Raw, emotional conversations are not a new thing in the world of the Bachelor. Two seasons ago, the Bachelor team managed to get footage of the Bachelor dumping the girl he initially proposed to because he was in love with the technical runner-up. This one felt different though. Miller-Keyes has had practice with this conversation, as fighting for stricter Title IX protections was part of her platform when she competed in Miss USA. Miller-Keyes told her story eloquently, and, perhaps recognizing that much of this conversation would be played on TVs across America, was careful in punctuating specific details. For example, she spoke about how the first hospital she went to refused to administer a rape kit, which, she emphasized, is illegal. Colton, for his part, handled the situation well, mentioning that his ex, and first love, is also a survivor.[4] As a fan, I admit that I love making fun of this show. However, The Bachelor team deserves praise for the way they handled filming and editing this conversation, and thus ensuring that people Bachelor Nation at least had to think about the issues survivors face after a sexual assault, and how a decent man should treat such an admission.
The Bachelor franchise is problematic, even without a critique on its racial dynamics. However, like any piece of pop culture, it can lead to important discussions about gender dynamics, societal expectations, and sometimes even serious issues such as sexual assault. Granted, I don’t always watch in hopes of such discussion. But when it does provide that opportunity, it has the potential to reach audiences who hadn’t dedicated much time to such issues, a result which ends up fostering feminist discussion.
[1] Five make-up products for $10 a month in a cute little bag! Amazing!
[2] I graduated college in 2013.
[3] Which is not to say I haven’t watched alone. I definitely have.
[4] His ex-girlfriend is Olympian Aly Raisman.
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6 comments:
Lauren,
Thank you for sharing this insightful post. I often find myself in the same predicament when I watch shows like the Bachelor or listen to music with lyrics that are derogatory towards women. I wonder why I am attracted to these types of shows and music, when my fundamental principles are so against everything they stand for. Over the years, I have started to realize that being a feminist does not mean that every aspect of your life has to perfectly align with feminist ideals. It is acceptable to be a bad feminist in different aspects of our lives as long as we are conscious and own up to our imperfections. Being conscious and aware is what ultimately drives change because if we do not know an issue exists, how can we fix it?
In addition, I appreciate how you highlighted the different perspectives from which reality television shows such as the Bachelor can be analyzed. On one hand, the Bachelor can be viewed as a show that solely promotes the white heteronormative relationship ideal. Predominantly white, blonde, skinny females are selected to be contestants on the show. Moreover, the show revolves around a white male Bachelor who gets the opportunity to date all of these women at the same time and ultimately marry one at the end, thereby promoting the traditional view of male dominance and control.
Even though it is quite evident from the show’s contestants and structure that the Bachelor is premised on misogynist and heteronormative ideals, it does raise awareness about other issues that the feminist movement deals with such as rape and sexual assault. While a reality show may not be considered the most “ideal” platform to discuss these issues, given their extreme sensitivity and nuance, it is undoubtedly one that attracts the attention of the masses. The show presents a unique opportunity to reach a broader demographic of people who were previously unaware and make them more conscious of these issues. Given how invested viewers are in popular shows like the Bachelor, it will likely inspire them to have deeper and more informed discussions on these important feminist topics and may ultimately empower them to become drivers of social change.
Lauren,
I just recently got on the "Bachelor" train and had similar feelings about the representation problem, specifically with regard to the heteronormativity of it all. Obviously, the whole show is premised on traditional ideals of romance (heterosexual monogamy, resulting in marriage). Furthermore, the pattern of alternating between bachelor and bachelorette each season, with the new person being a contestant from the previous season, creates an incentive for the producers to keep the relationships heterosexual. It is disappointing but not surprising that there is a lack of LGBT visibility on the show.
This is probably further influenced by the more conservative-leaning audience, as you mention. Everyone loves to be a little scandalized, but within reason. There are dramatic moments, but everything is still happening in the context of relationships that are the societal norm. I'm sure the show is carefully engineered to keep it interesting for the fan base while still distancing itself from any political message that might alienate those viewers. Still, it's a positive step that they included a survivor speaking about her experience, and seem to be bringing in more contestants of diverse backgrounds. Hopefully the show will continue to move in the right direction.
Lauren,
While I have been a huge fan of the "Bachelor" franchise for over half a decade, there are a number of things about the "Bachelor" franchise that trouble me when I take the time to think about it. Even though the show is marketed as a "reality show", the exotic dates, the fact that every person vying for the protagonist looks like an Instagram model, and the salacious drama makes the show itself seem so divorced from reality that I forget that there are real people on this show.
A former producer on the show released a "tell-all" book detailing the ways producers exploit the women on the show for ratings. Not only would they ensure that the women always had a glass of champagne in their hands to extract intoxicated confessionals, but they would hold the cocktail night and rose ceremony all night in order to catch the women react in their sleep-deprived states. It was gross to learn how producers would manufacture "drama" for ratings. The worst part of it is that it works. The Bachelor franchise is one of the most popular reality shows in the United States and "Bachelor Nation" is getting bigger.
One of the biggest scandals to hit the "Bachelor" franchise was the sexual encounter between Corrine and Demario because it was reported that Corrine was too intoxicated to give consent. Producers basically have every inch of the cast and set mic'ed and knew what was happening and didn't intervene. While an internal investigation cleared the producers of any wrongdoing, it shed light on how far the producers will go to find and share scandalous content for their viewers at the expense of the cast.
While I believe that producers should be held to a higher standard because of the power they wield over the image and lives of the contestants on the show, I do think the show is starting to recognize that it can be a platform for powerful conversations because of its reach to millions of viewers. Not only was it was powerful to have the first black bachelorette a couple seasons ago, but I thought the conversation between Colton and Caelynn was handled with the care and sensitivity the matter deserved.
As a feminist, there are a lot of things about the "Bachelor" franchise that concern me. Though it has been a long time coming, I do appreciate the direction the show is going in addressing difficult topics and increasing diversity among its cast members.
Lauren,
I truly enjoyed reading your post. You have a way with taking a serious, controversial topic, but making us laugh at the same time. Personally, I have never watched an episode of the Bachelor for the reasons you detail here, but I am curious to view an episode or two now to see how they are making the recent progressive strides you talked about. I am pleasantly surprised that they aired a survivor's experience. To take a series that is generally staged, but to provide a very real, vulnerable moment for a survivor to speak is refreshing. Who knows, after the airing they'll probably expand their audience and get more people like me on board.
Lauren,
I really enjoyed your post. I am an on-again, off-again watcher of the show. I have not been watching this season, and mostly for the fact that I figured that there would be too many virgin jokes, and I'm not a huge fan of shaming someone for amount of sexual partners.
But I was actually thinking of writing something about Rachel as the bachelorette, and the weird race issue no one seemed to be talking about on her show. She was clearly under a lot of pressure, as the first bachelorette of color, to help others of color progress in the show. As any longtime watcher can tell you, most/all/a large chunk (depends on your season to which modifier is correct) of the people of color get out at the first rose ceremony. She clearly felt an enormous pressure to help those of color advance as far as they could, but that was often in tension with who she clearly liked and who she clearly had chemistry with. In fact, I am sure there is a whole book that could be written on this subject, intertwined with internalized racism, toxic masculinity, and helping others of color once you are in a position of power. And I do not remember who she picked, but I do remember that her final three were all either white or white passing.
I was never sure how to coherently put all that into an article, but I do appreciate that someone other than me is thinking about the Bachelor franchise and how what we are learning about in Fem Legal Theory fits into this franchise.
Lauren,
I really appreciated the honesty and comedy in your post! At the start of law school I made friends who are avid Bachelor (and Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise) fans. Because of these good friends, for the last two and a half years I have watched every season of the Bachelor franchise.
At first all I could do was talk back to the TV about how stupid everyone was being and all of the toxic masculinity and rigid gender roles displayed in the shows contestants. Thankfully the people I watch the Bachelor with are feminists as well and we regularly reflect on the ridiculous gender stereotypes and call out the red flags of toxic masculinity and controlling tendencies different contestants have.
I appreciated your insight that the seemingly small things such a having a black women (Rachel, an attorney!) as the first Bachelorette of color and the first Bachelor contestant who is a virgin are important evolutions of the show. While having a black character in most shows in 2018 would not have been seen revolutionary, having a black Bachelorette did indeed feel like an accomplishment as viewer. Rachel was a successful attorney, confident and had conversations about race that may have seemed radical to the Bachelor franchise’s huge audience.
I hope that you consider writing another blog about this!
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