Housework: female destiny or self-choice

Since the Industrial Revolution and the advent of large-scale mechanization production, productivity and economic growth have relied not only on physical power but also on intellectual power as well. One result is that jobs that do not rely solely on physical capacity have also been available to women as well as men. This transformation means that many jobs do not exist as the exclusive privilege of males. Biological differences between men and women can’t constitute an excuse for refusing to employ female workers in many jobs.

Transformation of work during the Industrial Revolution opened up the possibility of a woman working and using her full intellectual. But, it also created tremendous economic pressures on the individuals and families. Some persons lost their jobs, especially men, and they were forced to find other jobs and learn new skills. They got the reason for women to stay at home again. Therefore, female workers are still confined by factors that do not constrain men – especially marriage and the responsibility for children.

Simone de Beauvoir claimed in The Second Sex:

The girl’s character and behavior express her situation: if it changes, the adolescent girl’s attitude also changes. Today, it is becoming possible for her to take her future in her hands, instead of putting it in those of the man. If she is absorbed by studies, sports, a professional training, or a social and political activity, she frees herself from the male obsession; she is less preoccupied by love and sexual conflicts. However, she has a harder time than the young man in accomplishing herself as an autonomous individual. Besides, even if she chooses independence, she still makes a place in her life for the man, for love.

Human beings must acknowledge the creativity and huge achievements of women in all walks of life. But many women watch their early dreams and aspirations move farther and farther away, afraid of getting close to them and not knowing how. Are women so kind and tolerant that they would rather give up their studies or a career for a family and children, or is it that women’s ambitions have long been suppressed by society and families?

Simone de Beauvoir deems that women have difficulties devoting themselves to their fields of interest because women are easily distracted by men. More importantly, a woman will often be afraid of missing her destiny as a woman if she gives herself over entirely to any undertaking. This kind of consideration come from a girl’s early childhood education and social expectations. Parents bring a lovely doll to their baby girl, and it is a hint for her future role as caretaker of her future baby. When a girl is crying, parents rush to their baby girl and comfort her. Girls used to be taken care of and learn from that that they cannot stand on their own and need others to realize their ambitions.

It is truly a pity that every generation of women holds back her own accomplishments for her family since she only owns one life. And individuals are very good at using situations as the excuses. For example, women often cry that my family pushes me into the way that I am, or my husband does not want me to work. But upon self-reflection, we come to realize that everything is the consequence of self-choice.

U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is a classic example. When she was trying every effort to enhance the legal states of women, her husband Martin David Ginsburg was her firm backbone and was always there for her. In a 2018 American documentary film RBG, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s daughter Jane jokes, “my father did the cooking and my mother did the thinking.” In fact, Martin David Ginsburg was a taxation law expert graduating from Cornell. And he was a law professor at Georgetown University Law Center in Washington, D.C. and of counsel to the law firm Fried, Frank, Harris, Shriver &Jacobson. They are both outstanding in their field. Isn’t it a more harmonious state to work together for each other's future? Do women really have to sacrifice for anyone?

Some may argue that they are elites of the middle class. So they are more open to a modern style and have more choices. For poor families, there must be a wife to take charge of housework. At this moment, being housewife is the destiny of many woman. If all women bend to this idea, then, women will never get away from the patriarchy that limits their achievements. Economic pressures may bring a family lots of troubles. But doing housework is not a duty for women alone. Couples can bear the responsibility of taking care of family and making money together. Negotiating with each other is better than sacrifice someone in two. Whatever the decision is, it should not be the consequence of persuasive talking. Only when women learn to use their own initiative to talk with their husband equally, will women gain bigger chance to achieve dreams in the workplaces consist of the law of jungle.

From this perspective, the destiny that Simone de Beauvoir described is actually the destiny which is imposed by patriarchy. Thus, the problem that we have to focus is really the independence in the mind.

I have a friend who is an exchange student from the top university of China. Once she told me that her ideal life is acting like a housewife. I was shocked at that moment because I never thought that this was the future or life that she desired. She is a talented and excellent girl with an amazing capacity for logical thinking and already has enormous legal knowledge. More importantly, she is the most high achieving among exchange students. So when she told me that becoming a decent lawyer was not her goal, she forced me to think about a question. Why should we force a woman to become a person we like? In the same way, we should not force a woman full of ambitions to stay at home waiting for her husband. Therefore, as long as the mind is free, it will not be imprisoned by so-called destiny. Mental and intellectual freedom is what feminists are chasing. Whereas, it must be achieved by women’s great endeavor.

Since the most significant reason for working or not is self-choice, then every woman possesses the right and ability to pursue her own life. Society, family and mental pressure should not constitute the excuse for escaping self-choice. If you are tired, that’s wonderful. Because you are going uphill in pursuit of your dreams.